A HOT SUMMER MORNING......
It was a hot summer morning; I woke up feeling
dizzy and stressed out. I was not in the mood for work, so I decided to take a
one day leave. But I don’t want to spend the whole day staying at home and
lying in my bed. I wanna go somewhere, somewhere where I know I can find peace.
So, I jumped out of bed, took a shower, put on my comfortable clothes, my
favorite shoes, put on my makeup and I am ready to go.
I hit the road to visit my significant other…
so excited at last I finally have time to be with him. It may be a good time to
patch things up...we are on rocks this past days. When I finally arrive at
their house, there was his little sister standing in the front door. So I
smiled at her and asked where her Kuya is. The little girl in her cute little
voice shouts for her older brother’s name. And there he is…he go out from their
house and take hold of my arms and we went outside. Seeing him a bit stressed
and anxious gives me a signal that something fishy is going on… And boom! There
it is his ex-wife/girlfriend or what so ever followed us outside. Right there
and then I have all the explanation I’ve been seeking for these past days why
our relationship was on the rocks... Why he suddenly, easily gets irritated and
stressed out, suddenly no weekend’s dates and we seldom see each other.
At first I thought that we are both busy on
our work and have very tight schedules, but I was wrong, how stupid I am that I
don’t listen to the early warning signals inside my head….. I am so stubborn
that I let myself be in a situation that I will be badly hurt. There I’ve found
out that they’ve been living in together for a couple of weeks without me
knowing it. I was so badly hurt, I am so confused and been too hurt and been
too lazy to get angry with him. Although I wanted to punched him in the face
and tell him hurtful words just to get even. But I never did! I composed myself
and get the hell out of that place… deep inside I don’t know where to go… For
this past 8 years I am with him, he was my confidante, whenever things get
worst and I don’t know what to do, I found myself at his doorstep and with just
one hug from him, it feels like I’ve been recharged back to life…but it was all
in the past…when it was “me” that he loves, or I thought it was me that he
loves the most, well again I was wrong……and again I felt that I am so stupid
because I still love him, though I know that we will never be together again,
somehow I hope somewhere, sometime if we are really meant to be together, time
will give us another chance, maybe to make things right or maybe just to END
things right…
I don’t know but one thing’s for sure, despite
all the bad memories I still wants him to be happy with the decision that he
made…..even if it not includes me……and at the same time, I’ve found out
something about myself that I never thought I have. I never thought that I am
this strong that despite all the hurt, the pain, the betrayal, and no matter
how broken I am, I still managed to pick up all the pieces of my broken heart,
my broken self, move on with my life and start anew. Well, moving on is a
continuous process and right now I am in the process of following and making my
dreams come true. He may not be a part of my life anymore but somehow I am
grateful that he BECAME a part of my life, because it is with him that I
learned how to truly and deeply fall in love. Now I learn to love myself more
than anyone else in this world, and I promised myself that I wouldn’t fall in
love again if that love will make me sacrifice myself worth and dignity……I will
wait till that someone who will respect me, cherish me, love me and accept me
for who I am will come along, then that will be the right time for me to fall
in love again……
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